Patterns of the Old Wise Man or: an endangered Species in Survival Mode
A couple of weeks ago I came across a discussion in a large online professional network that had resulted in a heated argument between several best-agers and a woman in her 20ies. Impressed by her professionalism and stamina I left a supportive comment for her and her way of discussing which very quickly made me into a target for one of said best-agers. He must have spent a 200+ word essay and almost an hour shooting comments in my direction questioning my world view, my professional legitimacy, and my integrity¹.
Obviously something about me has triggered this guy and his almost manic response. I don’t flatter myself thinking this was about me in particular but all the more about what I stand for. There is a pattern in his reaction that most women have experienced more than once.
During my career (and life, in general) I have had countless of these or similar encounters. I am not unfamiliar with having my expertise and legitimacy questioned based on my age or gender or both. While painful and humiliating at first, I have learnt that this display of apparent superiority is usually a sign of turbulence and insecurity. In fact, during my work in change management, whenever that one guy in the audience would start asking questions about my age, I knew my presentation was going exactly right and had obviously hit a nerve. You don’t play power games with someone who’s not a threat.
So I will ask the obvious question: Why am I — why are we as young, assertive women — a threat?
Because, for centuries, the game of life has been dominated by old wise men. And to the old wise man, we’re the variable that changes his system of power².
First, for a long time (professional) achievement could be derived from this (highly simplified!) formula:
Now, for any economy that follows linear growth, this formula is pretty reasonable. You start off with a decent amount of theoretical knowledge and the longer you work, the older you get, the wiser you grow. Experience equals expertise. Naturally, positions of power and responsibility are occupied by those with the greatest expertise. And that is, for most parts, the old wise man³.
As more and more industries have been disrupted by recent breakthroughs in technology as well as by socio-cultural changes the success formula doesn’t work anymore. Experience is not a sole indicator for expertise anymore. Especially but not exclusively in Tech years of age are not necessary an equivalent for being best suited to do the job. The system slowly shifts towards a relatively younger workforce calling the shots. The old wise man is starting to lose ground.
Now, let’s add gender to this equation.
Binary thinking — seeing the world as black and white — is a natural human pattern that we are all more or less guilty of. It can also be described as a ‚zero-sum game‘ wherein if you win, I lose.
Most of us have been indoctrinated this way of approaching life since we were children: in your exam the answer is either A or B. In soccer one team wins, the other team loses. If someone else gets the job you’ve applied for, you go look for something else.
If we now take into account the fortunate fact that we enable more and more women to work and be successful, where does that leave the old wise man?
From a psychological standpoint aggression — especially verbal aggression — is often a defense mechanism rooted in insecurity. By deliberately occupying the superior or dominant role in a situation along with belittling or lecturing the seemingly inferior counterpart insecure characters are really projecting their own insecurities onto others.
This pattern can manifest in the use of belittling or patronizing language, lecturing, questioning of expertise, legitimacy and/or authority, open aggression, verbal or even physical assault.
None of this is helping anyone. Disrespect is never a good thing. And that goes both ways! Yes, I have had my fair share of being treated disrespectfully. And: If am truly honest with myself I am just as guilty of showing the same lack of appreciation for the old wise man himself. I have defended myself and in doing so legitimized being more offensive than needed. I have chosen making a point over building bridges. I have missed out on valuable opportunities to learn and grow. I, too, have been stuck in my binary world view way too many times. If I am right, they are wrong. If they are bad, I am good. If empowered women are the future, the old wise man is not.
If we want to work on creating a better, more equal, more balanced system we have to stop thinking in ‚we‘ and ‚them‘. It’s time we start looking at each other with appreciation and compassion rather than making the other one into ‚the enemy‘.
Old wise men of the world: It’s time to get over yourself! You’re not the top of the food chain anymore so stop acting like an endangered species in self-defense. Use your experience to teach with respect and share your knowledge to nurture growth, not intimidation.
Strong young women: Let’s start living up to our own ideals. Let’s hold ourselves accountable to the standards we set for others. We can learn a whole lot from the world and way too often we act like we don’t need a teacher.
One of my favorite sweatshirts has ‚the future is female’ imprinted in capital letters. Knowing that this statement originated way back in the seventies and was meant to be exactly as provocative as it sounds, I still love to wear it. Because, with a little explanation, there is no exclusiveness to this statement. The future can be female and it can be male. It can be young and it can be old.
That is what we should all strive for.
¹Side note: The statement in question, which had been shared by a female empowerment page, read ‚Motherhood is not every woman’s calling‘. As you might imagine this had sparked a lively debate on various matters including but not limited to family planning, working vs stay-at-home-mums, the role of women in society, gender pay gap, and the world in general. So, to be fair, vibes were already in a questionable place when I entered the discussion.
²2nd side note: If you are indeed the old wise man reading this I am sure you’re going to say: You are not a threat. How could you be to me? You are annoying and impertinent and you seem to have forgotten your place in the world. I will give you a valuable piece of advice and put you back to where you belong. I am aware of that. Please keep on reading.
³Also if we look at who historically had both resources to pay for and was granted access to education the overwhelming majority have been white men. I do not want to turn this into a deeper analysis of imbalances in education system and/or career opportunities. These have been elaborated and discussed elsewhere and by people who know a whole lot more about it than I do.
³Also if we look at who historically had both resources to pay for and was granted access to education the overwhelming majority have been white men. I do not want to turn this into a deeper analysis of imbalances in education system and/or career opportunities. These have been elaborated and discussed elsewhere and by people who know a whole lot more about it than I do.
